Saturday, 21 November 2009'♥
tittle:trigger
few months has past.... and another month came for our studies and in a weeks time... exams... then back to attachment
but that month felt like a year and i dun wanna loose this precious time...
back in campus... i juz felt different atmosphere goin on... its juz not different like it used to last time when i first start schooling.... conflicts,changing of personality,bitches,heartbroken and more unpleasent stuff was felt..
is 2009 that bad? coz since 2009 came and come to an end... disasters all over the world... couples having heartbreaking moments.... people who are lost in love life... death and stuff... if it is the bad year... we should welcome 2010 and prayed it to be a good all year round... with more joy and happines...
anyway.... i used to have a wish... a wish to try to ferget impossible things that i wish to have... but it seems like... the wish is not strong... im collasping into the darkness again... to some of people... its easy to say to ferget everything and look into the bright sight... but then again... we,the one whose experiencing all the pain... is suffering to look to the bright side... its like opening our eyes from the pitch black to the brightest bright places.. its hard to focus and get used to it...
secrets... secrets are meant to be kept... but sometimes eu had to let out secrets in order to reduce the problems eu have....but sometimes there are certain tiny secrets that are supposely to be kept and its sooo hard to juz let it out....
i still have a deep dark secret... and no one should knew about it except maybe one or two of eu knew about it....
i had a dream ystd... it do make a sense... but then to come again... the creater create me this way.... and expect his creations to change and mend their ways.... its not as simple as it seems... eu noe.. it takes years and full hard courage to change one person....... changing is not simple... its not simple when eu are born that way... eu didnt decide to be that way... they say... god made the decision and its fated when it happens... well is all the sins that human mades a fate from god too? i dunno... im not tryin to say i dun believe in religion... i do and even my parents are religious... and i believe and love my religion... but its juz that... i have thoughts... thoughts of why am i living in this world... where theres full of hypocrites,stereotypes and hatreds....
why cnt the world be an open minded place? why must there be taboo among the community?
and as for now... im juz tooo upset with myself.. i juz kept thinking why am i born this way...
someone's right... i am keeping things in my heart... and its hard to let it out... its juz hard to blurt everthing out.... its not because of mood or time... its juz that... eur confuse of wat to say... and which one eur about to say... fickle minds... haiz...
anyway... pray hard that i cry and blurt things out... its tooo much already...
i cnt even cry my problems out haiz...
Labels: heart beating
