tittle:a new chapter...

so there it goes... our last day at the ward... changing ward next week.... haiz... gonna miss all the staffs there...
haiz..

anyway juz now went for a while at the nurses day celebration... cute ok! haha rushing for MNM'S! haha
cnt say much coz i left quite early... was tired after work...

wanted to go starbucks but then ppl were lining up quite long...
anyway... work was kinda tiring but i gonna miss the patients too haiz...

cnt say much now coz im super dead tired!!

anyway... saw dead gorgeous ppl ok! aha
and saw erin!! haha miss her lah oik! haha

kk tc peeps... am super tired..
wanna rest

*zzzzz*

Labels: changed

tittle:pissed off

haiz... and till now... i still dunno whats goin on with the performance thingy... i dunno wat event,whats goin on,what the theme would be,etc² haiz....

i hate those last min plans.... im bz with work ok!i cnt get off days... its attachment.... ma shift is either 7-3 or 1-9... its super tiring!! haiz

anyway.... tomorow is our last day at the ward... gonna change ward next week... I GONNA TOTALLY MISS THEM!!! haiz seriously!! gonna take loads of photos then gonna make a thanks card and gave it to them!! weeee

anyway bought facial and body care stuff and cost me nearly $200+ but then after all sexy discounts... its only $100+ yea!! haha good discount ok!!! haha

k lah peeps tc! gonna rush to sleep! tomorow morning shift! haiz!!

1st PS:AM SUPER FREAKING ANGRY COZ OF SOMETHING AND MORE BROKEN HEARTED THEN USUAL...
2nd PS:currently... am really happy with someone...totally miss him!long time never contacted!!
=)

so eu could see i cn be in two different places at one time... eu will never see me cry...

MUACKS PPL!!

Labels: totally

tittle:honestly

honestly right now.... i guess its time to move on....
I WILL COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING...
every single feelings about you.....

i guess its right.... it is wrong for me to be waiting for something impossible....
im completely drift away into fantasy for the past few months.... i've bothered ppl whom i closed with.... forget all those sad post of mine... i shouldnt have been producing unrealistic feelings when the truth is... im in living in fantasy...

i still gonna miss all those times i do stupid moves to eu... thinking that i will eva get eu...
but then again.... eu moved on already... and im still stucked here....

it may seem that im still young... yea ppl do say that its still young to be having love...17 ey?but eu wouldnt noe when will eu eva die right? this is the age where most teenagers/adult teen will start to have those feelings.... feelings of crush,anxiety,affection,love where i didnt even get to taste it.... it do takes time... i cnt rush... but... when i stop rushing... it starts to be lonely... REAL LONELY....

oh allah... when will i eva get into reality?
when will i eva had to get the taste of love?
why am i in this situation?
why am i born this way?
is this the obstacle and test eu've gave to me?

it hurts too much........

Labels: complete out of danger

tittle:i was born to make eu happy

todays monday ppl!! MONDAY!! ouh gawd... im tired!! haha tired of yawning....
well todays work was kinda ok... slacky but ok lah.... gd great fun though haha

kecian zie today... her cubic is empty so shes transfered to mine haha yea!! gt fren!! hha
omg omg omg partners in crime doin their job ok!!! haha
well its our last week in the ward!! gonna miss the staffs there!! urgh!!! haha

well yesterday was utterly super shockin!! was goin to dance prac when gt to know that studio one was occupied... so got up to check it out and guess wat? KAT,BB,FEEZAH AND EFFIE WAS THERE!! omg omg omg i miss them!!!!! they were having their dance there though!! argh!!! haha so we kinda combined together haha

awwww gt three other guys though... as wat zie said... EYE CANDID haha
well today was kinda a eye candid day too!! but not real much haiz.... hoping for better tomorow!! haha

well back to dancing... decided to go on solo for each of us... then last part combine... sucky plan but wattado... last min ok!! sat gonna shop!! woohooo my $800 is in!! yea!!! haha

anyway...
currently missing someone!! but doesnt reply back my hugs!! haiz... sad ok!!! haha siak arh...
=(
PS:jng terase if its eu ok... it might be someone else haha

do eu noe how it feels like? loving someone thats in a rush to throw eu away.....
do eu noe do eu noe do eu noe..... haiz..

Labels: boom boom boom

tittle:fairytale life

took a quiz at facebook... and the stats are like SOOO TRUE!!!! haha

Even though you've been told more than once that fairytales doesnt exist,you just wont let it go:your're a big romantic and you carry on waiting for them.A smile,a bunch of flowers,a candle-lit dinner,a sensual kiss under a starry sky... some would say its an old-fashioned view but you love it! you fall in love easily but your a natural worrier and are always afraid of being abondoned.you have a continual need to be reassured in your relationships,which can sometimes be tiresome for your partners.this easy-goin,affectionate person reassures you.
You like snuggling up in their arms.they are of a faithful nature,and by their side,you will no longer be afraid of being abondoned.they help you to express your emotions and to liberate yourself from your fears.before meeting them,you feel like a little boy but they enable you to gain confidence and,if they were to ask you to be the father of their children you'd gladly accept!!

ok the part where the "being a father of their child"...NOT IN THE DICTIONARY haha

but the rest.... yeap... its sooo true...
haiz....

PS:ash...living in fairytale mood live... haiz
=(

Labels: collide, without you here with me

tittle: another day

so today... like our weekly meet up but the 5 of us only... since the drinkers oni... but today i dun drink much... i dun have the mood yet....

still dwelling but i kinda trying to stop it haiz...
hopefully what i dreamt will come true!! i really want my dream to come true and really exactly how i wanted it to be.... haiz

anyway... meet up was OK haha but then again... quite bored when comes to an end... rishi had to go club... filzah had to be home before 10pm.... area was quite COCKRO-ISH eewwww aha
wira brought this stoopid thing which all of us want it to be thrown away.... vanish and gone actually!!

and yea... was bored and bought this cute green snoopy bubble... 70 cents oni haha so had fun blowing bubbles!! weeeeee haha

PS: ATTENTION PLZ... COULD ALL THE CLANS.... PLZ MAKE EURSELF FREE ON NEXT SAT OK!!! ALL OF EU..... DANN,RADYN,FILZAH,WIRA,ANNU,RISHI,SHAM and maybe more like AYME AND IFFAH AINA...*OUH GAWD WE MISS HER* AND TADA!!! haha

these ppl!! plz!!! i wanna have a small photo session together at some local deserted unused train rails haha plz plz!! its been a while since we last took photo together!! i miss it ok!!!!!!! argh!!!! haha

i really wanna kiss eu all!!1*CHIKOPEK* ummaks!! haha

Labels: selection

i juz gt back... on the tv on okto... 98.7 was on... and guess wat?

"baby eu should let me love eu...let me be the one too"

haha omg!!! let me love you by mario!! i miss that song ok!!!!! haha

anyway..... listed down all ma stupid acts when i start working till i goin back home...

:12+pm
-stare at this guy who looks SOOO MALE MODEL haha and nazirah was awed ok!! haha

:1pm
-juz started shift... and i did something stoopid... shh!!!!

:8+pm
-was super bored at cubicle.... on computers notepad... "msn" with margret and zie haha cute huh? and bani came along haha

-went to commode room with zie... climb onto commode and ask zie to push me and arm rest accidentally open... shouted like mad... i scared i'd fall ok!! haha

- bodoh² kan apek....

12+am:
-me and shedah... was super scared by a cockroach... then we actually jumped and run in the middle of a dark path haha

if eu seen our reaction... eu will faint cause of laughing haha

anyway... altogether... I CNT WAIT FOR TOMOROW!! WOOHOOO haha

"eu can talk all eu want but my skin is really thick!"

=)
muacks!

Labels: love you

ok 1stly... i dunno whats goin on with the blog new post thingy... it looks distorted in this web... haiz

anyway.... after work... i suddenly had this moody feeling... i aint feeling talking,laugh joke... all i do was walking slowly... staring down...

so took the train... in the train... i think tooo much till i actually burst into tears... OMG... MALU PE!!!

thanks wira for the tissue... which it stained with meesiam smell haha made me hungry when i wipe ma tears... thanks naz for the worriedness...but eu kept laughin i dunno why haha coz of wira? coz of seeing someone sooooo happy for all his life suddenly saw him burst into tears....

and i dunno bout bani...nvm...
gt down at wlds.... accompany him to cold storage to buy chocs for his sister... cute ey? haha

now gt home... was tired... cried too much... slept... and now woken up... HUNGRY!!

*ran to kitchen*
=)

Labels: i dwell on it too much

tittle:high hopes came to an end

this is it.... the worst part that eva i imagined... i guess... the treatment between us is no longer the same like it used to be... i could feel it....

i guess its letting go....

frens is now possible... i wouldnt wanna think much bout eu.... i wanna see eu like those normal ppl i know and be frens with

im tired of woo-ing ppl... im tired of trying to flirt... im tired of fate... tired of waiting for it....
im tired of being foolishly in love..... im tired of everything....
im tired of those critics i got... even though am landing myself in tertiary level of studying....
why ppl still not growing up???

i juz couldnt figure out... WHY MUST I BORN THIS WAY?? the obstacle is tough... not too... but its tough... im really trying really hard to pass through it... the more i tried to succeed... the more obstacle strucks... haiz.... i wanted the world to be an open world..... accepting mankind of whoeva they are...

haiz

Labels: i could no longer feel eu

tittle:off to ayam penyet!!

SHIT! i miss ma clans LOADS OK!!! was super happy meeting all of them!!!!! argh!!!
cut it short...

we went off to have lunch at ayam penyet ria at novena... well me and anu bought pomfret fish penyet and the others... ayam penyet... with loads of drinks ahha

the sambal super power spicy ok!!! haha and its really filling and delicious!! weeeeee i dunno their grade though haha.... share all our diff experience in attachment since we're in diff hospitals..... but most of all... CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO SKOOL!!! i wanna be with them!!!! haiz.... how i miss them soooo much!!!

went off to orchard... went to subway at far east... had cookies... and got lost in plan at orchard... haiya.. lucky gt an idea to went to marina square..... so met yus there as he's working...too bad he's working till closing.... so bought some drinks and cakes at carls junior... which i wanna eat the cake again there haha and we went off to marina bay open park... near the staircase hehe... well rishi had to go..... so we sat and lepak.... dann had to go ard 6+ and sham had to ard 7+... and we realise that today was ndp preview... YAYNESS!! fireworks!! aha

so left us... watch fireworks... became abit crazy..... and then after that...gt tired and went back home... well some of us are tired and some had curfews... so yea... haiz... went back with ice and wani too... as we met them at marina...

well overall... today plan was abit down.... but it was ok... at least we meet each other for like wat?being seperated for 2 weeks+?? IMY ALL SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! ESPECIALY EU EU EU!!

PS:bought a blue cute shirt... thanks radyn for the advice haha

the peeps who were there:me,dann,filzah,wira,rishi,annu,sham,radyn
sad though as some were not to make it... haiz...


anyway... for the past few days... this is wat i felt in me....

cry from rihanna

my mind is gone,im spinning round
and deep inside,my tears i'll drown
im loosing grip
whats happening?
i stray from love,this is how i feel

it hurts me when i blame my own fate... but i couldnt stay any longer...how long should i be left in a one sided love thingy?? how long??? wouldnt that person till now actually realise how much i really into eu? haiz....

and the stoopid thing is... till now... i couldnt get away from this problem... i couldnt let it go... haiz

and whenever im working... and i was sidetracking for a moment... it makes me down whenever this part of saygoodbye song strucks me....

so how cn i follow my heart,to let eu go
when my heart choose to be with eu....

urgh!!!! oh god!! plz let the person noe how much am i really into that person.... in anyways... a dream maybe? haiz

Labels: i want nobody nobody but eu

tittle:weekend meet up

ouh gaawwd... its been a week since i didnt met up with filzah and annu haha
went chilling at lakeside juz now

annu,filzah and wira... well the others...ermm... shopping by the end of the month k? ahha
well.... they wanted to drink soooo much so they bought absolute a bottle... and orange juice... then sat at this dome and chilling and drinking...

haiyo!!! each of us... look bad when drunk... well im not drunk ok!! im not!! am juz sleepy haha
if i am... i wouldnt be online by now ok! haha

anyway... we played this dare... and i will never forget about it haha
we four only noe....
PS:filzah... eur the 1st gal to be my victim in the dare haha

it was kinda boring as its only four of us... not much stories though... annu had to go club at 10 coz its her frens b'day and wira had to go too...

so left me and filzah... bought some snacks and talk till we get too tired and head back home...

i wanna chat now.... tc peeps
muacks!! haha

IM MISSING EACH AND EVERYONE OF EU...MY DEAREST CLAN HAHA
muacks!!!!

missing eu...

Labels: tipsy

tittle: i need sweets

thanks to bani for the idea... i need sweets in ma mouth... sometimes it gets bored... and after lunch.. need some sweets or ma breathe stinks with sambal i ate before starting back working... haha

using mask ok!! eu could die of suffocation with eur own stinky breathe!! haha kidding!!

well saw the roster for next week and...... BANI!! DUN LEAVE ME!!! he's taking the other room... well juz beside lah haha so not to worry... hand signal will do... at least we gt the same break haha
*lemon chicken rice again ok?!?*
haha

well todays kinda tiring and lots of things has happened
new things i meant... and im happy to learn... weeeeee

hoping for more new things to be learnt!! haha
PS:i love what i dreamnt before i woken up to get ready for work....

hehe muacks!!

title:change my mp3 player to the song saygoodbye by haz

got this song for like almost 2 weeks *thanks to dann* and i juz realise... the lyrics... are soooo true and it really fits what am i goin through...

so i high light abit aite? and btw the nick of this person is Dee...since i cnt tell out the name right? only certain ppl would understand who am i referring too....

first verse*
baby,i know we cant do this anymore
and i noe we have to say goodbye
but i didnt want it to be this way

so that part there....the part where i noe we cnt do this anymore...its like... i cnt even contact much with dee since attachment has started... and would like to give some time off... i dun want it to be something thats bothering dee

and i noe we have to say goodbye....is where i start to seperate with dee... i cnt get in contact that much and the part i didnt want it to be this way... is really true... i dun really want it to be this way... but its got to be this way... forgetting dee is the way to reduce my burden in love...

continue...
what am i about to say,you havent heard b4
but i gotta be honest to myself cause i gotta let eu go
you think i cn be with eu,you're a forbidden fruit
and i hate that religion came between us two
i dun wanna lose eu,if i had to choose eu baby
the answer for that,is to be with eu
i dun wanna go through,with tryna make it
but i noe eu dun wanna see me getting hurt

translate in me...
this is what im trying to bottle out... eu haven heard of me b4
i gotta be honest to myself that i really like eu...but i cnt do it coz i gotta let eu go... eur really different to me in terms of loving gender
i tried to think that i cn be with eu but its like a forbidden fruit... something so forbidden that i cnt even fall to eu...
and i hate the part where it stated in religion that we cnt be together...
i really dun wanna lose eu coz eur the dream that i really wanted... and if i had to choose... its always will be eu as my answer..and that is.. its to be with eu

and my most favourite part
baby dont leave,baby i want eu to stay
i'll do everything to make it work
but i feel we need to go our seperate ways
before we end up getting hurt

i really dont want eu leave me literally.. and i always wanted eu to stay in my heart
and i tried every single way to win eu and make it work
but it all fails... and we had to go our seperate ways... eu be eu... and i'll be me since.. we cnt be with each other...
and before any of us getting hurt... especially me... since i develop this feelings to maself...
haiz... stoopid am i?

the best part...
so how cn i follow my heart,to let eu go
when my heart choose to be with eu
why did we try from the start,if it wasnt right
and now we have to turn the page and say goodbye

so how cn i really let eu go when my heart still wants eu to stay...
why did i ever tried to win eu when everything wasnt right
and right now... i have to turn to a new page... start afresh... and say goodbye to this stoopid feelings...

in the 1st place... when should i start to develop this feelings to eu?
haiz..

Labels: i dun want eu to leave me

title:the day

well i couldnt say much... woke up damn early in the morning... went to met nazirah and all... gt to hospital... start orientation... tomorows the big day... i was kinda happy hehe

anyway aina... we really gonna miss eu!! talking bout a wakeup call.... rishi gave me the most surprising news... hope that eur ok... hope that eu will come back to nursing... or if eu dun wanna... eu juz contact us ok!! dun loose contact with us!!

we really² gonna miss eu!!

Labels: one left

title:1st day of chapter...WORKING

if only.... if only we're actually still skooling... i miss my skool days... now comes our attachment... and i miss those school fun times!!!! well at least there are certain peeps which is most familiar and fun to be with at the same hospital haha

miss those times where our sleepy moods and heads... rush to locker to grab tabbner or get ready for practical... haiz... miss those days!! haha

well now... here in hospital... early in the morning.. met nazirah... then 10mins later... met wira... well its about 630am when eqa wasnt still there... omg!!! we thought we gonna be late..... we waited for her till 650 and quickly board the train..... aina join in from yck and pat join in from amk.... then we went to hospital.... gather at kopitiam and met each other...gt into our groups... and proceed with orientation...

was freakin boring as we actually kinda being briefed of was gonna happen and kinda refresh something in mind... not to mention... saw those full stages and pictures perfect of PRESSURE ULCER.. lucky it was after lunch... haha

so was 830am to 330pm lecturing... gt a break in between though for one hour... then went tour for like 1/2 hr... then we;re finish... boring kan??? well tomorows the start of our work....
im at lvl 11... same with naz,weenah,eqa and some other ppl i get to noe well today...

i couldnt say much coz things happen real fast today... i wasnt realising and being maself haha
something shocked me,excited me,scared me,nervoused me.... everything... so im confused...

anway guys.. wish me luck for the best tomorow!!
weeeee

much love!
muacks!

Labels: attachment

tittle:i gonna miss eu guys

omg.... JNO9O4E will always be in my hart...

eu guys were the most! GREAT! classmate i eva had... in ma entired skool life...its merely two months i noe eu guys...but it felt like 2 years haha weeeeeee

those times when we were nervous about test... our phase test... our exams... our fears on high obstacles...out violent bitchin moments.... especially eu patricia!! haha... and those practises in our lab and stimulations centree.... omg!!!! i really missed those times!!!! our laughter that could be heard in cafe one or two... when comes to break... our shout outs for 5 MINS BREAKS!! haha

omg!! such a beautiful moments!!!urgh!!

to dann:come on!! dun be nervous ok!!! eu have 3 months to do CP!! work hard... get good grades.. im really srry for calling eu adek nasha aziz! haha kkk nasha aziz ugly! eu hot! fair enough? haha and yea... i noe eu gt none of our clans in eur group... but surely we'll meet up one of our weekends aite!!! lepas kan rindu ok!!! haha

to radyn: OMG OMG OMG I GONNA MISS EU CHIPMUNK!!/chip and dale ahah eur non-stopping laughter...eu cute foolish jokes and act...i really gonna miss eu!! urgh!! i'll never find any other girl thats cuter then eu!! haha and too bad eur stuck with sham... AHAKZ!!

to sham:aiyo!! si kering ni!! i gonna miss eu!! eur randomness!!haha eur really one random guy ok!!!! and eur one of a kind laughter!! omg omg omg haha do well in cp ok!!!

to annu:I GONNA MISS EU!!!!! EUR LIKE A SISTER TO ME!!! omg omg omg eur the 1st girl who tought me some tamil language ok!!!haha i gonna miss eu!!! eur random laughter and mood swings haha!!

to wira:come on wira!! CP is here... do well in it! get good grades! move on and pass!!! and be a better guy ok! change and mend eur ways! try to avoid all bad acts... eur a nurse now! show good example and change... and make sure... i'm not gonna hear.. cases of face..stuck on a toilet bowl cerb ok!!! haha i gonna miss eur violent talks!! haha

to filzah:OH ANAK KU!!!i gonna miss eu!!! eur laughter!!! eur slenge!!! eur mentel!!! my bitchin partner!! eur the 1st ever fren that i had when i started skoolin in ite... eur like the 1st close fren i eva had in ite too!!! omg!!!!! and and eur the onli fren thats with me...who tersalah campur org ok!!! haha ummacks!!

to rishi:rishi!! i gonna miss all eur experience stories while eu were in ns last time!!! i gonna miss the day when we study...and eu keep giving exciting sidetracks!! eur like the coolest guy i eva met!!! haiz!!! but then we might see each other regularly coz we;re in the same hospital! yea!! ahha

to aina: eu arh!! dun menghilang lagi ok!! i gonnna miss eur upin ipin voice!! and yea! even though were in the same hospital... we might not meet each other often! so do beep me regularly aite!! eur actually special aina... for the 1st look... i thought eu somehow like a bad girl... but actually eur quite fun and funny and frenly to be with!! haha i really gonna miss eu!

to iffah:omg!! eu minah rep!! I GONNA MISS EU!! eu slenge bacin!! haha eur cute acts...eur cursing to eur bf... eur donald duck walk.... the way eu talk!! omg!! i gonna miss eu!!!! we might not see each other well in 3 months time... but we surely contact ok!!! when comes to drink... neat betol² peh neat ok!! haha

to ayme: eu silat girl! i gonna miss eu!! haha i get to noe eu well since mandarin class ok!!! haha we were not really rapat!! but i gonna miss something out of eu ok!!! haha eur like the roughest girl i noe!! haha

well eu guys... those are the peeps that i really love... i highlighted them coz i really gonna miss them!! soooooo much!!! well to think of it... im like posting as if like i gonna graduate already!! well 3 months is not short ok!!! for muslims its worst... with ramadhan came along... confirm we gonna feel really long!! well hari raye kan ade? dtg yer!!! haha

MUACKS!!! i really miss eu!!! haha

Labels: loved

title:shit!phobia!

eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww ystd is the worst dream i've ever had.... worst?maybe...

i dreamt i actually own a unit at this particular condo called THE GREEN haha prangai eh? own unit at the green... which i never heard of it b4... well the condo was cool...

the room was spacious like a hotel... with a pool side at this certain story... its like a 5* hotel... wow! haha and then came i wanted to bathe... the shower was SUPER cool i tell eu...

eu could adjust its timer to certain things eu want.. like hot shower.... eu enter the shower room... close the door... and the shower starts to turn warm... and kinda flooded a part of it... and it changes like a bathetub haha cool right? well it turns out nice when suddenly...

THOUSANDS OF FLYING COCKROACHES CAME OUT FROM NOWHERE...ewwwwww

confirm becoz of ystd lepak! ahah

the flying cockroach came out from the pipes and stuff... and its like thousands ok!! cn eu imagine!! ewww i noe eu couldnt!! haha
then like 10 of this flying bugs gt into ma shirt... i was super scared that i pinch the cockroach in ma shirt!! ewwww all of them... could here the bug crack and oozes out its juice!!e wwww

well i dunno why i dreamnt that the oni person i noe was there with me was wira.. he kinda helped me kill the cockroach.... so i was super disgusted... i ran into the swimming pool haha but still inside the swimming pool was there a little cockroach... so i ran out of the condo... took this super cute car... and inside was soraya,zhenqi,aini,kiddo and dann? haha my old clan and dann was inside?crazy dream huh? haha maybe i missed them soo much?

haha i drove the car at highway... and was caught speeding and guess wat? the car was actually my market trolley... OMG ITS GETTING STUPID! haha

then there was this particular tv in the police station... the condo had to be burnt down becoz of the cockroach... omg... if eu were in ma dream... its super crazy i tell eu haha!!

then the dream was over... was woken up by ma brother and his frens... noisy i tell eu!! haha

Labels: cockroaches

title:for crying out loud

haiya... today... plan was kinda bored... meeting filzah... supposely at 3... but end up at 4+...
so met nadia.... which she actually beep me last min... and met her at ard 3+.. went to burger king for lunch... then met filzah then went off to popular.. for some stuff... but before that... printing some pictures haha

then went to blk 620 to lepak... do some stuff... play games... scared of cockroach and stuff haha cute lah juz now!! I MISS NADIATUL AFFIFAH OK!!! haha anak din haha

then ard 9+... went to vista for dinner... ate at vista park... then proceed to the playground and share some stuff... which is not really enough for me... i really need a real true time for me to really express everything out!! i should hug eu guys!!! too late lah... monday k? hehe

currently...mood-less

Labels: arrgghhh weeekkk

I dun wanna say goodbye
and i want eu to stay by my side
-(a part of) say goodbye by haz-


its me... all those problems and mistakes it started out in me... is all me... i'll try to let it go but i cnt...
i felt like i did sooo much things thats really stupid to eu... im letting maself to fall on eu but i cnt...

the most suitable phrase that suites me.... HOPING ON SOMETHING THATS IMPOSSIBLE....
hoping... hoping that one day... i'll get eu... like a miracle... but it just cant... we're in two different worlds... VERY DIFFERENT...

it starts out as admire.... and turns into crush... but i let it go since eu had a crush on someone else and it grews to love.... i hold ma crush feelings on eu... but i acted as if theres nothing... and when eur love to someone has kinda over....my crush on eu was still there.... i care for eu... cared too much that i lost world... i fergot who were eu... and who was i... i felt like i own the world... i dun really care wat was goin on around me....it grews slowly to affection and to love... but yeah... ONE SIDED LOVE.... haiz... but i was stupid... so i got back down to affection... coz i cnt give eu love.... a love is where a party needs two hands to clap... not one...

i dun even noe why must i stuck on eu... i tried every possible way to show that i actually like eu but i cnt... the more i show it... im scared.. that eu might juz leave me and had the disgust feelings to me

in the end... the crush feelings really grown to affection... i thought that i almost could get eu... but that was juz hallucinations.... i knew it from the beginning... my feelings to eu was actually rubbish.... it doesnt exist at all in reality... coz i noe.... we will NEVER be with each other... only true frens and thats yes... but more then that... i guess i dream on...

sometimes... i wanted to talk to eu about whats actually bothering eu... what was actually in eur mind that starts to boggle up... i wanted to help in every different way... like ppl say... eu could care for a fren as fren cares more then what a lurver cn give... but it turns out... eu turned me down... every single time i tried to talk to eu... kinda hurts me alot... but i couldnt say much... coz i noe who am i.... sometimes.. did eu realise that i actually over reacted and cared too much for eu... but then.... eu turned down every offer i tried to give....

im stubborn... really stubborn... i will never let this affection feel go away... coz i noe... its hard to come by... these feelings is like a rare thing that will happen to me.... sometimes when eu told me eu admire someone... i felt hurt... but then... its eur life... im happy with it.... what makes eu happy... makes me happy... even though it hurts me... i couldnt face reality... i couldnt face the future.... i'll noe whats the outcome.... thats why im scared... coz in the end... im the one who gets hurt... coz i'm being in a one sided love... which love only exist around me but not eu

i cnt deny my feelings
growing strong
i try to keep believing
dreaming on
and everytime i see eu
i crave more
i wanna pull eu closer
but eu left me feeling frozen

(a part of) malchick gay-tatu

do eu noe... everytime i'll post something... or everytime i turn on my computer... the 1st thing i'll go is to eur blog... coz i wanted eu to be happy... i dun wanna see things that hurt eu... i want eu to move on... i want eu to ferget whats actually distracting eu from being happy.... i wanted to see happy post... not something that brings eu down...


now lets start with me... the one who created the problem to himself.... WELL I HATE ME!!
i dunno why but i actually hated myself....
i love my life as i have loads of frens....
but i hated my life coz.... since i was born... i had something different in affection... feelings which grew to a wrong path....
and when i was growing up.... i get all those sarcasm and those critics... those hates... those hatreds i get even though i never did anything to ppl.... juz all becoz... of my behaviour...
the way im acting.... the image of me.... my body... doesnt suite to what im actually doing... its like a monster wearing a cloth to cover up its identity
i felt like a girl trapped in a mans body....
but i noe that im a guy... but why must my feelings be soooo wrong....
i wanted to live like normal guys... but i juz cnt... its a tough challenge....
actions speaks louder then words.... those who understands me... tried to change me... but how they wanted to change me... when i cnt even change ma self... yes! ma effort wasnt enough... but i cnt even lift myself up.... when theres actually someone tried to lift me up...

when i fall in love... it always fell onto the wrong person... i wanted love,care,concern,honesty,committed and really with sincerity... but i got those... who wants lust.. but not love...i gt those who cnt give me all i wanted.... they told me they love me and stuff... but when it really comes to reality... lust is all they needed... i hated myself... why must i end up this way? i kept asking god that one day... hopefully.. theres someone who will actually came to me and have all those characteristic that i want in love....

well.... god granted it... but it wasnt for me... its just a taste for me... i cnt have it... its like something... a possesion which eu cnt get... and eu will never get... even though eu tried every possible way to get it

this is what i felt whenever i look at eu....
i like eur smile
i like eur laugh
i like eur eyes
i like the way eu talk
i like the way eu apologise...

but i hated myself... for being soo foolishly to like eu... when i couldnt have eu...and will never will
i really wanna try to stop liking eu.... it might be possible... but the effect is long...

hopefully i could face up to eu... when i meet eu again...
sometimes i felt like god is being unfair to me... but i dunn really noe if its unfair...
i've been patient... really patient with my life... since i noe wats love... i always wanted love... but i've never get it... i envy with every single ppl i noe... who already tasted love... but i never had...

all i could say... i liked eu too much... but i'll try to put an end to it...
i dun really noe when will i ever tell eu whats my real feelings to eu...

Labels: i couldnt say much

urgghh!!!! today went to saloon to cut ma hair and guess wat?... she gt the wrong idea of how to cut ma hair... WAAAAAAAAAA

sob²....*sniff sniff*

now ma hair is short... like a black girls hair... soooo short... but i gt a fringe... freaky kan? and behind... v cut... omg!!!! like mat rep!! NOOO!!!!

nvm... it'll start to grow back abit long... like wat? 3 WEEKS LATER? haiz....
nvm... everyone has their own bad hair day... haiz

Labels: my hair

TODAY!!!

MUMMY!!! I NEED CASH!!!

i need to cut ma hair and dyed ma hair!! urgh!!!!!!

*angry face*

why must ma hair be an afro and brittle and sharp and beruban... haiya...

Labels: bad hair

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Nur Azhar/Ash
17
dancing/singing is his passion..
chocolates is his love..
loud,jokes,critisicing,care are his characteristics...

adidas gym+sling bag
supra gold high cut
nokia hp 5730
a relationship
to HAVE A LEAN BODY!!
a small cute lappy
a time machine*impossible lah dey*

Dancers ♥

Ann♥
Aryan(Versatylers)
Amira(sec3)
Ainikinikazey
Ahh Qi
Ayiz
Azhari
Azizi
Ahyeen
BB
Bella
Feezah
Furbee
Fadh(3Ot)
Elfarahlee
Farah(china girl)
Greg
Haz
Halim Tweeniie
Kiddo♥
Kimmy*Hakim*(Halim's fren)
Nina
Nadia(Cheerlat)♥
Rad
Rebecca
Rogue
Ruth(aini fren)
Siti(30t)
Sham(Versatylers)
Syaiful(Kiddo fren)
Soraya Minahh♥
Tobi
Wawan Freak
Yenny miz'c

My Affiliates ♥

Aikha(ExEVPS)
Anna
Ais
Aann
Alvin(Kiff's)
Aul
Ayuni
Ash(Frensta fren)
Dill(Kiddo fren)
Dayah (Niece)
Emah love-d
Ejat thankkasih
Fahmy
Fadhil D'Jest
Fiona
Farhana EVPS yaw!!
Faiz
Hul
Ifa
Kila
Kydd
Lilly
Nurul Hanie Syazwanie(Shanie lah)
Natasha
Ryzal Rednose
Shindy
Shekyn
Shahidah
Shedah Sotong♥♥
Wansy
Yfa
Zaza
Zal EVPS?
Zal

Nursing Mates ♥

Aini NURSE♥♥
Afiq♥
Brenda♥♥
Dann♥♥
Eeeqqqaaa♥
Filzah♥♥
Iffah♥♥
nazirah♥♥
Radyn♥♥
Hasinah
wiwi♥♥

Designer /%PURPUR.black-
Imagehosting
Dafont
Brushes: x , x x
Leave the credits alone, thanks :D
And thanks to Dann eh, for blog-related stuffs. What you see here, he's the one.